she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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