her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
