Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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