I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
