I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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