similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
