3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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