How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
