You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so let's talk penis.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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