it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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