He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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