i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
