After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
