She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I FOUND THE LEGS
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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