I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
well you can't waste a boner
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
