After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
