I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
