tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Randomize
