Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
