What a fucking waste of an outfit
from now on my penis is your penis
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
