Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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