I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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