I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I could fuck to npr.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
