While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
