I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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