I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
