It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
