oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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