i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
