My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
