remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You can't special order awesome
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
