i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
