It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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