nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she was so not down for the gang bang
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
