She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I've blown a few things in my day
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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