I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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