they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
