My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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