the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
