I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
