Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
