Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
