He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
