the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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