You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
