Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
