its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
