So drunk its hurt
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
