no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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