My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
