i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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