He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
