I need help removing her.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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