I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Blood and glitter go together right?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
