Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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