I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
