All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
