Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
