The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
