Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
