Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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