can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
