I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just cropdusted the office
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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