Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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