i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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