Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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